Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
