You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
