i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
nutella sex= disaster
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
