Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
