Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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