Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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