I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
