Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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