you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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