doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
