ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize