I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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