Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I can't put those talents on a resume
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
