but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
