It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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