I must be too annoying 4 u.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize