I can tuck mytits in my pants
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
