Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
