I accidentally burped into my bong.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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