I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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