Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
