Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Randomize
