Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
