that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
