sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
