also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize