??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
