Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
