Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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