I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
