You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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