Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
