i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
