we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Randomize
