just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
