totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
