I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I love you. Go after that dick
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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