How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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