You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
You smell like stripper and shame
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Randomize
