I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
