just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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