I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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