you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
