It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Randomize
