i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I had to cum in my sink.
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