fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
