Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
