She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
