Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
