just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
