i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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