that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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