My boss' voice literally gives me gas
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
