you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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