omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Who died my cat blue again?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
