I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
