I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
