Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
