why didn't you poke me back
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
