you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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