I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
