Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
