I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
so let's talk penis.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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