Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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