dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
