just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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