I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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