By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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