Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Vodka?
Forever.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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