Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
