you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
