I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
