i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
