I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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