Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
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