the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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