I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
