So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
