ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize