dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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