bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
