I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize