So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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