Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Randomize
