NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I love you. Go after that dick
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
